


Why My Dog is in the Illuminati

by Avid Moron (Nevermore9)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Conspiracy Theories, Delusions, Demons, Dreams, F/M, Flying Dog, Fun, Gods, Humor, Illuminati, M/M, Magic, Mystery, Mysticism, Occult, Paranormal, Possession, Psychological, Silly, Space and Time, Time Travel, Unholy Powers, Weird, Worm Holes, bizarre, government agents, teenage problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 13:23:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6080943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevermore9/pseuds/Avid%20Moron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My dog, Exo, has only ever wanted a pet on the head and a good tummy rub every once and a while. Then why is he spitting fire and levitating off the ground!? Did I mention he can speak now too? And not in the way I tried to teach him. Men in dark suits keep appearing in places I'd never expect; I'm not even sure where I am, or who's me and who's not. All I know is that pyramids have eyes, and are watching, everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why My Dog is in the Illuminati

I've never really looked twice at anything before, life has passed me by calmly, with little need to get all hot and bothered, until my dog told me how the world's run. I was only sitting with my chin on my palm, thinking about nothing in particular, when Exo padded over to me. His tail was swaying side to side as he poked his nose through my concentration. I puffed a sigh against his whiskers, meeting his serious gaze with my own dull eyes.

"Do you ever wonder how pointless your life is?" Exo asked. I stared at him for a good five minutes before my brain gears fully digested what my ears had just heard. My face suddenly grimaced in disgust and my body shirked away from the black mutt like he was radioactive, tumbling down on the bed, on my head. Fear was pumping through my limbs so fast I hardly noticed the soreness in my neck.

"Don't ignore my question, Arty." Exo barked, giving me a sour frown. His furry face repulsed me when he spoke, I tried to scramble away but his hard glare pinned me as a shoe would pin a cockroach. "Please, answer." He nudged, more softly. Quickly, I was rubbing my eyelids, looking once in disbelief and twice again. Exo's paws were off the ground. He was dog paddling through empty space above the crown of my head. That was the first time I ever had glanced at something a second time, and after that there was no turning around. All of a sudden, I was ready to accept whatever was happening in my rotting brain. Somehow this was a conspiracy, or so I was to learn.

"Y-You talk then?" 

"Of course I talk." My dog exclaimed, crushing my hesitantly squeaked question of the obvious. "We all talk." He went on, gesturing here and there as he reclined on an imaginary levitating chair. "Those sun worshiping lightning bolts knew it. They knew lots of stuff most cats didn't, apparently not enough though. Anyways, who would be here if we didn't?" I stared blankly at him, barely blinking. He knit his eyebrows together. "Now answer my question, it's only fair."

"I've never thought much about it." My lips hastily blurted out, almost forgetting words had spaces between them. "That's my answer!"

Exo made a disappointed tisk with his tongue, shaking that long head of his down at me. "I suspected as much from your sleepy eyed expression. That's ok though!" He assured, seemingly trying to lift my spirits, but I was just confused, question marks sprouting around my skull like daisies. "We can make you satisfied with life, with everything! Once you realize how pointless this bit is."

"Huh?"

"Definitely shake my paw."

"You would never shake when I asked you to. I spent days trying to teach you."

"Shake my paw." Exo urged anxiously, his tone carrying a certain, compelling power. So, with a great deal of reluctance at first, I gradually extended my open hand toward his waiting paw. With every inch closing between us Exo's pupils flared like a candle flame; he was licking his chops and foaming at each second slipping down the hourglass. There was a sharp voice in my thoughts telling my arm to stop, but seeing as how I was probably too far gone already, I shrugged it away. When my palm finally did rest against Exo's black paw my whole anatomy surged at the jolt of some kind of electric spark racing up and down my nerves. He was grinning, an unsettling grin; I wasn't sure what was going to happening, or what had happened, and then my brain fell back into the floor, plunging far and further within a blank walled hole, taking all my ringing senses with it.

I don't think I blacked out, or even stepped foot in a seperate direction because in an instant there was a rough carpet of sand beneath my white socks. I hadn't finished my blink and here I was, on a quiet beach with a big twilight sky on the horizon, silvery blotches of clouds dotting the purple like finger paint smeared carelessly across paper. There was a gust of cool wind, sweeping out from the green sea and playing around with the way my hair blew. It actually felt pretty nice, but notions of pleasure and beautiful scenery broke apart when I began wondering, with a weight in my gut, where exactly my room had gone.

"Nice, right? Remember this place?" I tipped my chin down to the sight of Exo sitting placidly beside me on the beach, flat on the ground, thankfully. There was a strange expression on his canine face, one I couldn't really place, but he sure appeared to be pleased with himself. As for his words, which I found myself now accustomed to, I wasn't sure what he was talking about. The place looked like a plain beach, nothing special, just simple sand and water and sky. However, I could take a guess that whichever particular beach this might be, it had something to do with me.

"Is this where my aunt was attacked by that shark?" I asked, coming short of anything else. My dog burst into a loud fit of cackling laughter. His paws rose off the sandy floor with each short laugh. "I would love to see that!" Exo smirked. "But, not here. Why don't you look to your right though; I think you'll find something you like." 

I glared sternly at Exo for a few moments, I didn't want to turn around. Maybe I was afraid, that if I did, all this would become dreadfully real; maybe I was just stubborn, or both. Nevertheless, a winking glow in the dog's eye, and my own wishy-washy self, lead me turn around anyways. What I saw was a degree too less of stalling my heart for good, though it did roast my brain with the shear paradoxical confusion of time and space and junk. It was me! Only, it wasn't me; well, at least it was me but younger. I may not be able to describe it too well, nevermind understand it, but there I was, building a sand castle at the shore.

"What'd ya think?"

"Four year old me? What're you, the ghost of Christmas past?"

I could feel Exo's scowl burning a hole through my shoulder, but I didn't care. My emotions seemed lackluster in someway; I felt like a black and white film character in a color picture. 

"Stop playing games." I muttered harshly under my breath, really more towards myself than the mutt behind me. Watching a little version of me working away on the construction of some sand fortress, in that stupid green striped bathing suit, was hands down the most surreal thing I've ever experienced, and it kept dragging on and on.

"How about a closer look?" 

"Wha-?"

The very earth itself tipped on its axis, following the movements of Exo's paw, taking the both of us sliding down a steep sandy slope that I was sure would push me over the world's edge and send me tumbling in endless space. I tried skiing once and hated it, this was one hundred fold worse; skiing with no skis. Without waiting for me to process his words, or anything for that matter, Exo tipped the land back into its proper place, swaying here and there as if the sand, water, and sky were a scale trying to find a correct balance. I still thought I was about to die.

"He's an aviation champ-i-on!" I absolutely despise that song.

Looking at my feet I saw the source of the annoying hum of that terrible, terrible theme song to Captain Ace: Aviator Champion. There was four year old me, kneading his tiny fingers through the wet, moldable sand, bearing on his nose a noticeable dollop of exetremely white sunscreen; the banana smell of it tingled my nose from where I was. Of course it was four year old me. I didn't bother putting up a fight against the heavy sigh I had to release.

"Hey, whatcha building there?"

Little me grew a huge toothy grin across his cheeks at my attention to his building. "A pyramid." He said happily; I don't remember being so happy. 

"Still could use a finishing touch." Exo remarked, the lines of a single, watchful eye etching themselves into the crown of the sand pyramid at his words. I gave him a funny look, I'd almost forgotten he was beside me, though I wouldn't be surprised if he materialized from thin air. Exo merely smirked silently to himself, paying no attention to fourteen year old me.

Four year old me, however, flashed a warm smile. "Thank you, doggy." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. My patience was waning.

"Why'd you even bring me here?"

"Don't look now, Arty, but the old man in the suit and shades is coming your way."

I didn't believe this nonsense. I wanted to burst; he was stalling, avoiding my questions, ones I had every right to ask. My fingernails clawed at my palm as the anger festered inside me, and I could easily tell Exo was enjoying me twitch. I didn't bother turning around, he was toying with me; or that's what I thought before I heard the thud against the back of my head. A rush of pain numbed with adrenaline and surprise flooded my skull. My bottom quivered with a whimper, and in a split second I was rubbing the lump on my scalp, and facing the tall, government dressed figure behind me. "Ow!"

"Oh, sorry. You were supposed to be knocked out. I guess I got a little nervous, didn't hit that hard."

I couldn't believe the embarassed awkwardness of a man who just slapped me upside the head. My fist tightened to strike him in the chest, but being my wishy-washy self, I fell back on my butt calling out for help. Four year old me began crying and the thick jawed government man was as red as a stick of licorice dipped in ketchup now, apologizing over and over, asking me to man up and come with him somewhere, or something; it was pretty hard to concentrate on what he was saying, or what anyone was doing, with the fuzziness overtaking my entire skull.

I could see the government man standing over me, waving his hands like he was scared of having attention draw in the direction of this insane scene. "Look, just let me-" He was bumbling, reaching out for me, but I swatted him away, and clumsily jumped back, right into the pyramid of sand, winding up in a coarse pile of irritating, wet, beach stuff. All I could think of was escaping, not wanting remotely to be in the nearby vicinity of a guy who had assaulted me moments ago. So I leaped for my younger counterpart, scooping him up and dashing to the horizon of quiet neighborhood homes across the white sand. I stumbled, my knees buckled, my arms fumbled, straining to keep this kid to my chest; man was I heavier than I expected.

It was a struggle, I was sweating, and the sand grains rubbed the wrong way in my socks, yet I was intensely focused on making it away from where I was. I ran, not knowing if the government suit, or Exo, were chasing, because I didn't look back once; I probably would have turned to salt or something if I did. Though I had a sense that if my dog did want to stop me he could have, in some strange, demented way.


End file.
